A lot has been going on for us, and a lot hasn't been going on. I've taken a short break from Avon because I was starting to get depressed about it, my anxiety was going through the roof because of my "helper" not listening, and I haven't been able to keep my head straight when it came to it. It's been a couple of months since I posted here or talked on the team Facebook page, but I had to distance myself to get my mind back where I need it to be to do it. I also
have decided I really would prefer to do more of the online selling instead of the face to face. While face to face will get me more customers and better numbers faster, I have crappy days where I need to do stuff and just flat out won't. Then I end up feeling bad, not doing it the next time I should, and end up doing what I've done now, which is take months off for no reason other than I keep making myself feel bad. I have a lot I want to do with Avon, but am not going to get anywhere if I don't change what I don't like about what I'm doing.
Taking on a helper was a bad idea for me. I didn't know this lady before she wanted to be a helper and she said she was one for a different rep who up and left the area without notice. I trusted that she would be able to follow simple directions, and I was wrong, oh so wrong. I would give her brochures a campaign ahead of time, gave her a schedule on when they were due, and then would still give me the order for the wrong books. The first time I honored the prices even though it hurt me. The second time, I had told her which ones were due, texted it to her, and she still gave me the wrong campaign. Now, I know I did wrong with how I dropped her, but I just couldn't handle contacting her again to let her know everything was in. The thought of just texting her, her calling, or having to see her because of her not listening sent my anxiety flying and I would basically shut down each day after thinking about it. She finally texted me, I told her I had the stuff but she needed to find someone else from now on. I never texted her the numbers or got with her to give her the products because I just can't do it without shutting completely down.
The anxiety from not doing my Avon and from my helper has been causing me issues all the way around. Hubs has noticed and keeps asking me what's wrong. I tell him I don't know, and until I started writing this out, I wasn't able to put all the pieces together. I love Avon, and selling it, but the negative that has come from me dealing with this woman has killed my drive and ambition. I have doubted myself so much since trying to work with her, and it has shown in every way. I haven't even looked at Facebook other than to clear out notifications in a couple of weeks.
Since I was taking a break from Avon, I have taken up playing games on my Switch a lot more, spending more time with hubs and Midget, and trying to figure out how to relax. I need to set up an appointment with the counselor who I talked to last month. She said something about teaching me relaxation techniques, and that will probably help a lot.
Also, in this time, we got a new cat (she showed up on our doorstep one day), and she is a bundle of energy we didn't expect lol. She is constantly moving, meowing, and energetic compared to our older cat who likes to lazy around all day. She has gotten him moving too, and I think it is helping him a lot. It's nice to have a lap cat when you want one though (she loves lap time, and to steal my seat).
My dad called me yesterday to let me know that my aunt past away earlier in the day. I wish I could say I'm upset, especially since she was the only aunt on that side of the family that I ever spent time with (when I was much younger). But I'm not upset, and while it's nice that he told me, I'm thinking of it like all the deaths that have happened in the past 5 years or so. Shit happens. She lived her life the way she wanted, and while her health was crappy in the end, I hope she got to do what she wanted to do during her lifetime. It's all we can try to do before we die.
This post is my first step into trying to add Avon and the things I have been doing with it back into my life without leaving what I have gained in the last couple of months behind. I have enjoyed going out with hubs, spending time with him and Midget, and not feeling like I have to do things I don't want to do. I just hate the anxiety, the depression, and everything I have felt because I can't quit blaming myself for things I can't control, and trying to please people I don't want in my life. Hopefully realizing this will help me from allowing it to happen to much.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Have a wonderful day!
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